Categories of Photographers
1 - Rank Amateur:
Bottom of the pile.
Happiest of all photographers.
Usually has one inexpensive camera which he often cannot find.
Seldom makes pictures.
Asks Walmart sales clerk which film to buy.
Often asks complete strangers to load the film into his camera.
Is thrilled if a human form can be found in any photo he has made.
Always speaks in the third person about the photographs: “This is a picture of the Grand Canyon ...”.
2 - Amateur Photographer:
Is often miserable over his equipment and photos.
Usually has two or three cameras of different makes and sizes.
Doesn’t know how to operate any of them beyond basic setup.
Makes a LOT of pictures.
Is often asked by his friends to make photos of special events in their lives.
Seldom is happy with a picture.
Yet, claims that “almost all” of his photos are “good”.
Always speaks in the first person: “I made this picture at the Grand Canyon...”.
3 - Practical Photographer
Tries to treat his camera and photo gear as if it were just another appliance like a car or vacuum cleaner or television set.
Usually has one nice camera which is either Nikon or Canon, and which says a lot about who he is, also what kind of a position he has where he works, who he has married and what clubs he uses when he plays golf.
Expects to get a good standard picture with every snap of the shutter
Expects the camera to set the ISO speed, focus the camera, select the proper shutter speed and aperture opening, and to load and unload itself.
Always speaks in the abstract person: “ ... 14th tee at Pebble Beach.”
4 - The Baby Boom Photographer:
Will have a strange and expensive camera which he considers an investment
Can name all great photographers in the order in which they earned money.
Does not expect to make pictures as good as his father did.
Is not concerned with his photos but very proud of his camera.
Always speaks in the Narsisistic Person: “Notice how well I got all of his head in the picture” (Even though the guy is bald.)
5 - Commercial Photographer:
Is not concerned about photography except for the money he makes from it.
Has a studio, usually downtown.
Possesses an enormous amount of very expensive equipment.
Is no more attached to his equipment than a taxi driver is to his rented hack.
Does passports, weddings, senior proms, pets, houses, and so on.
Speaks in second person “You can see the detail in the bride’s dress.“
6 - Professional Photographer:
A perfectionist whose sense of humor has been replaced by accounting and financial skills.
Has a lot of incredible equipment, most of which was given to him by Kodak, Nikon, Cannon, Slik, Pentax, and other nice companies.
Often makes a lot of money in a little time, then little money for a long time.
Travels constantly.
Gives lectures, writes books, magazine articles, has exhibitions.
Speaks in the “commercial-person”: “I made this photo in Antarctica, 70 below zero, f/8, 1/200 second, Nikon F-4, 80-200mm Nikkor lens, Tiffen warming filter B-21, Slik tripod, wearing Land’s End gloves, Jockey briefs underwear, Fruit-of-the-Loom T-shirt, while chewing on Nabisco Cheez-Its, after sleeping all night in a Northface GRO2x45mt tent ... ”.
7 - Advanced Amateur:
Serves two masters: The job that pays him money so he can buy incredibly expensive photo equipment, and his passionate mistress: the quest for a “fantastic” picture.
Usually has many different cameras.
A lot of his equipment consists of odd and even unique equipment which which he knows MAY be decisive in the making of that one “fantastic” photo.
Most of this special equipment has only been used once.
And most of which have at least one good reason why it probably won’t work.
May well have 100 photos, all 16 X 20 inches, matted and framed, and all of maple trees.
Speaks in the Wistful Person: “Here, I was trying to get a photo of ... “
8 - The Photographic Artist:
The poet and philosopher of the photographers.
A haunted creature, whose memory is a dim landscape filled with great shots that got away . . . but which WILL come back!
Has often been known to vanish while peering through his viewfinder.
Does not do weddings, and if he did, the photography would take longer than many marriages last.
Does not speak about his photos except to say: “I cannot explain this to those who cannot see it.”
© John Womack, 2007. All rights reserved
Bottom of the pile.
Happiest of all photographers.
Usually has one inexpensive camera which he often cannot find.
Seldom makes pictures.
Asks Walmart sales clerk which film to buy.
Often asks complete strangers to load the film into his camera.
Is thrilled if a human form can be found in any photo he has made.
Always speaks in the third person about the photographs: “This is a picture of the Grand Canyon ...”.
2 - Amateur Photographer:
Is often miserable over his equipment and photos.
Usually has two or three cameras of different makes and sizes.
Doesn’t know how to operate any of them beyond basic setup.
Makes a LOT of pictures.
Is often asked by his friends to make photos of special events in their lives.
Seldom is happy with a picture.
Yet, claims that “almost all” of his photos are “good”.
Always speaks in the first person: “I made this picture at the Grand Canyon...”.
3 - Practical Photographer
Tries to treat his camera and photo gear as if it were just another appliance like a car or vacuum cleaner or television set.
Usually has one nice camera which is either Nikon or Canon, and which says a lot about who he is, also what kind of a position he has where he works, who he has married and what clubs he uses when he plays golf.
Expects to get a good standard picture with every snap of the shutter
Expects the camera to set the ISO speed, focus the camera, select the proper shutter speed and aperture opening, and to load and unload itself.
Always speaks in the abstract person: “ ... 14th tee at Pebble Beach.”
4 - The Baby Boom Photographer:
Will have a strange and expensive camera which he considers an investment
Can name all great photographers in the order in which they earned money.
Does not expect to make pictures as good as his father did.
Is not concerned with his photos but very proud of his camera.
Always speaks in the Narsisistic Person: “Notice how well I got all of his head in the picture” (Even though the guy is bald.)
5 - Commercial Photographer:
Is not concerned about photography except for the money he makes from it.
Has a studio, usually downtown.
Possesses an enormous amount of very expensive equipment.
Is no more attached to his equipment than a taxi driver is to his rented hack.
Does passports, weddings, senior proms, pets, houses, and so on.
Speaks in second person “You can see the detail in the bride’s dress.“
6 - Professional Photographer:
A perfectionist whose sense of humor has been replaced by accounting and financial skills.
Has a lot of incredible equipment, most of which was given to him by Kodak, Nikon, Cannon, Slik, Pentax, and other nice companies.
Often makes a lot of money in a little time, then little money for a long time.
Travels constantly.
Gives lectures, writes books, magazine articles, has exhibitions.
Speaks in the “commercial-person”: “I made this photo in Antarctica, 70 below zero, f/8, 1/200 second, Nikon F-4, 80-200mm Nikkor lens, Tiffen warming filter B-21, Slik tripod, wearing Land’s End gloves, Jockey briefs underwear, Fruit-of-the-Loom T-shirt, while chewing on Nabisco Cheez-Its, after sleeping all night in a Northface GRO2x45mt tent ... ”.
7 - Advanced Amateur:
Serves two masters: The job that pays him money so he can buy incredibly expensive photo equipment, and his passionate mistress: the quest for a “fantastic” picture.
Usually has many different cameras.
A lot of his equipment consists of odd and even unique equipment which which he knows MAY be decisive in the making of that one “fantastic” photo.
Most of this special equipment has only been used once.
And most of which have at least one good reason why it probably won’t work.
May well have 100 photos, all 16 X 20 inches, matted and framed, and all of maple trees.
Speaks in the Wistful Person: “Here, I was trying to get a photo of ... “
8 - The Photographic Artist:
The poet and philosopher of the photographers.
A haunted creature, whose memory is a dim landscape filled with great shots that got away . . . but which WILL come back!
Has often been known to vanish while peering through his viewfinder.
Does not do weddings, and if he did, the photography would take longer than many marriages last.
Does not speak about his photos except to say: “I cannot explain this to those who cannot see it.”
© John Womack, 2007. All rights reserved
posted by fauxtaographer at
8:00 PM
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